Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.