i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...