Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special