Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.