I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...