I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?