She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.