No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.