what day is it and did you see me today?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....