thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.