Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table