Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life