Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob