Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am