I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.