Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time