We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.