We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets