woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.