I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.