someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had