Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.