The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.