so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
