i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.