SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday