We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind