In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.