I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.