Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?