He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section