Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five