You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She even gives head with a lisp.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life