I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.