Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick