You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it