Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it