Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand