Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason