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i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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