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I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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