You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it