Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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