just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses