On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.