You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...