The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.