The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.