The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.