If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave