Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
They took my balls.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.