We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year