Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i permit you to call me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.