he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.