I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now