I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed