I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was