i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.