i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.